Before we begin on mothers, I have to share this joke with you. This actually got me started on this article.

A young boy tells his mum that he has lost one of his lenses on the football field and cannot find them. His mother sends him packing to take a second look, he comes back empty handed and complains, “Can’t see a thing!” Mother goes out looking with a razor sharp determination to find it and comes back with it, holding it aloft. “How did you find it ma?” asked the son. “We were looking for different things, you were looking for your lenses, I was looking for Rs 2,500!”

Why is it mothers always see things differently from the rest of the family? When I say family, I mean children, dogs, cook, maids, in-laws… For example, if I spring clean the house, they say I have OCD. For god’s sake, who else is going to look under the microwave for food that rolled under a week ago? The last time I was waving the feather duster over the sofa, they whispered, “Here comes ma with the goblet of fire.” “I hear you,” I yell at no one in particular, because it was a whisper that got lost in the wind.

Lately, the girls are busy smsing while watching television, while yours truly is multitasking between den and kitchen. I peek into the younger daughter’s phone... UGTBK. Uh? My daughter takes pity on me and explains: You’ve got to be kidding. L8r = later. BRB = Be right back. SLAP = sounds like a plan. NOYB = none of your business. POS = parent over shoulder. SUX = it sucks! I sneer: What is this, a 21st century dialect? One sends the other sister a message, CWOT. Complete waste of time.

It is sadly true; our lines of communication are different. While they want to streamline their English, I went seeking a full-bodied conversation with a hot cup of tea and a butter croissant. The girls want their space, the dogs want their food, the servants want their leave.. And I have forgotten what is it that I wanted in the first place.

Mums just see things differently.

I decide it’s time to throw a dinner, get things livened up a bit. I tell them jokingly, “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne!” They don’t react, just sms. BTDT = been there done that. What is it girls, why can’t we just talk, I ask. “Oh, but we are ma," they say moving of towards the fridge. While they take a trip to the kitchen, I snuggle up to Rafa, the black Labrador (who is pretty neutral) and switch television channels, drawing battle lines into the open. I sms the girls, “taking the day off, TTYL."

That’s talk to you later, if you are wondering.

(The writer is a theatre director and novelist)