The warm fuzzy feeling that athithi devo bhava aims at may be an overreach, but do be nice to your guests, you'll never know when you'll be in their city
A short video film, that I watched recently, a campaign for British Airways showed an elderly Indian grandmother, travelling on the airline, being waited upon by a British Air-hostess, who helps her wear her socks as she is unable to bend down and reach her feet. When the flight attendant finds the old lady crying, missing her son, she comforts her, wipes her tears and distracts her with movies and brings her a cup of tea. The flight attendant sees it as a part of her job, but the old lady is clearly moved. When she gets off the airline, she asks the flight attendant for how long she would be in India and upon learning that she would be there for two days till her next flight, she gives her, her son’s card, and invites her home for a festival celebration. The flight attendant says that she absolutely cannot do that, but the old lady insists.
The flight attendant has no intention of visiting the old lady at all, but when she gets off duty, she finds herself drawn to the sincerity in the old lady’s voice and she surprises herself by heading over to the address on the card. She is welcomed warmly. The family members already know her name. The old lady is delighted to see her. She joins the family at the table, where they all eat a sumptuous meal together. She already feels like she is a part of this warm, wonderful family. When it is time for her to leave, the old lady packs food for her, tells her not eat hotel food and gifts her a handkerchief, on which she has embroidered an image of a flight attendant and her name. The flight attendant is so moved that she hugs the old lady, with tears in her eyes. She later remarks that she keeps coming back to India, as there is that indescribable feeling of warmth, which pulls her back. The short film is based on a true story, a real life experience of a British flight attendant, who was flying to India for the first time.
The above story embodies a concept that every Indian would relate to — athithi devo bhava which means Guests are equal to God, taken from an ancient Hindu scripture, the Taittiriya Upanishad from the Yajurvedas.
We are a warm country. We welcome our guests, share our meal and our home with them, and go the extra mile to make them feel loved, wonderful and special.
This spirit is also captured in the 2011 movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel which shows a group of western tourists, all senior citizens, embarking on a trip to India. Even though the hotel is nothing like what they were promised in the brochures, they decide to stay on, simply because of the eagerness and sincerity of the young proprietor, played by Dev Patel. The film resonated with many as is evident from its box office success — it grossed 137 million dollars worldwide — and a subsequent sequel, which followed.
Juxtapose this sentiment against the western idiom ‘fish and visitors, stink after three days” and you get an idea of the contrast between the cultures. It is not hard to imagine though, why that idiom might strike a chord. Take a city like New York or Mumbai where the space and resources are scarce. So while one might want to be hospitable to houseguests, loss of personal space, disrupted routines, guests not picking up after themselves, and being insensitive to the needs of the hosts, create an environment of stress. The hosts then become ‘protective’ of their house, and their time, as make no mistake, a guest, no matter how well adjusting does have basic needs, which need to be catered to.
What makes all the difference is the relationship you share, and how well your personalities match. If you genuinely enjoy the company of your guests, then you go the extra-mile to take care of every little need. But if you are merely tolerating them, as you have no option but to host them, then you might be trying to execute the athithi-devo-bhava principles, with gritted teeth and pursed lips, not acknowledging that your guests are actually pests.
In such cases, it’s best to remind oneself of the famous Chuck Palhaniuk line from Fight Club: “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops down to zero.” How petty then, these bickering with your welcome or not-so-welcome visitors would seem. They will leave soon. You never know whether your paths will cross again. So be nice to them, even when you don’t feel like it.
Besides, when you visit the city they live in, you can do to them, everything they did to you.
(Preeti Shenoy is the author of eight bestselling books,the latest being a fiction titled It’s All In The Planets)
The flight attendant has no intention of visiting the old lady at all, but when she gets off duty, she finds herself drawn to the sincerity in the old lady’s voice and she surprises herself by heading over to the address on the card. She is welcomed warmly. The family members already know her name. The old lady is delighted to see her. She joins the family at the table, where they all eat a sumptuous meal together. She already feels like she is a part of this warm, wonderful family. When it is time for her to leave, the old lady packs food for her, tells her not eat hotel food and gifts her a handkerchief, on which she has embroidered an image of a flight attendant and her name. The flight attendant is so moved that she hugs the old lady, with tears in her eyes. She later remarks that she keeps coming back to India, as there is that indescribable feeling of warmth, which pulls her back. The short film is based on a true story, a real life experience of a British flight attendant, who was flying to India for the first time.
The above story embodies a concept that every Indian would relate to — athithi devo bhava which means Guests are equal to God, taken from an ancient Hindu scripture, the Taittiriya Upanishad from the Yajurvedas.
We are a warm country. We welcome our guests, share our meal and our home with them, and go the extra mile to make them feel loved, wonderful and special.
This spirit is also captured in the 2011 movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel which shows a group of western tourists, all senior citizens, embarking on a trip to India. Even though the hotel is nothing like what they were promised in the brochures, they decide to stay on, simply because of the eagerness and sincerity of the young proprietor, played by Dev Patel. The film resonated with many as is evident from its box office success — it grossed 137 million dollars worldwide — and a subsequent sequel, which followed.
Juxtapose this sentiment against the western idiom ‘fish and visitors, stink after three days” and you get an idea of the contrast between the cultures. It is not hard to imagine though, why that idiom might strike a chord. Take a city like New York or Mumbai where the space and resources are scarce. So while one might want to be hospitable to houseguests, loss of personal space, disrupted routines, guests not picking up after themselves, and being insensitive to the needs of the hosts, create an environment of stress. The hosts then become ‘protective’ of their house, and their time, as make no mistake, a guest, no matter how well adjusting does have basic needs, which need to be catered to.
What makes all the difference is the relationship you share, and how well your personalities match. If you genuinely enjoy the company of your guests, then you go the extra-mile to take care of every little need. But if you are merely tolerating them, as you have no option but to host them, then you might be trying to execute the athithi-devo-bhava principles, with gritted teeth and pursed lips, not acknowledging that your guests are actually pests.
In such cases, it’s best to remind oneself of the famous Chuck Palhaniuk line from Fight Club: “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops down to zero.” How petty then, these bickering with your welcome or not-so-welcome visitors would seem. They will leave soon. You never know whether your paths will cross again. So be nice to them, even when you don’t feel like it.
Besides, when you visit the city they live in, you can do to them, everything they did to you.
(Preeti Shenoy is the author of eight bestselling books,the latest being a fiction titled It’s All In The Planets)
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