Rejection? Look at it positively, it puts you back stronger, wiser

Destiny runs no races. You run your own. You set the rules. But of course, on the course of life, there are always so many roadblocks. So many profound life altering events or mishaps that set you back. Thing is, how we see the obstacle, as a roadblock or as a change in roadmap. Certainly one of the worst experiences is rejection as it tears you apart; throws you into a ditch.

Let me narrate a familiar story of a pretty young girl who was dating a handsome boy since college. He always found her lacking, even though she was well dressed, well spoken and attractive. Somehow, she was low on self-esteem with him. It got to a point where she doubted her own judgement and decision. She became a victim to his every need. So much so, she began believing that in making him happy, she was happy. If he didn’t want her to wear short skirts she threw them out. If he didn’t want her to stay out late, she went home while he partied the night away. She found out he was cheating on her, and yet he convinced her, “Guys have this roving eye. It’s a mistake baby!” Many of his mistakes she forgave and many years of her life she gave up for him. Till one day, he threw her out of his life, saying his parents wanted him to have an arranged marriage, “A business deal, you know...” She didn’t know, she didn’t care, she was broken and disappointed. Her heart was broken and her spirit was wounded. When you can’t live upto someone’s expectations and can’t live upto your own, you burn up with disappointment! Rejection cuts up your sense of self-worth into little pieces and throws it to the wolves. So, you are left empty and hollow.

She was so busy focusing on him that she lost focus on herself. She missed the point. This is the time to look up, to look away from the problem and not into it. This is the time to accept your height, weight, personality, everything god has given you. This is the time to stay positive. Keep in touch with friends, family, a pet and every feeling that nurtures the goodness in your life. Because negative feelings have a way multiplying and life becomes a series of losses. Rejection leads to despair, dejection, self doubt, depression and a never-ending cycle of negativity. That leads you to lose your looks, friends, spouse, job and even your identity. Now is the time to show courage, to benefit from the lesson rather than die from its effects. Strength comes when you make peace with your problems and face them. When you believe you are precious and unique, you make yourself happy. You realise that a relationship with a partner does not complete you as it merely complements you. Like two parts of a perfect whole, both perfect in themselves.

Sitting around with my married girlfriends, I learnt this golden rule, “One may take many liberties with god, which one cannot take with men”. So, I say to you, look at rejection as a coming of age. It puts you back together, stronger and wiser!

(The writer is a theatre director and novelist)

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